Leon-kun's Journal

[Leon Magnus]

Man...I didn't want to get up this morning..I was emo as all get out. This weekend I went to Indiana for Easter and got so much pocky..I think I'm fine with candy but my docotor told me to get on a diet.

I got the fourth and fifth volume of Angel Sanctuary and I'm starving for more of the series. I woke up realizing I hate school, and probably start hating life...Pfft I'm the year of the cat biatch even if there's no cat in the zodiac!

I'm irritated and I don't know why..Probably because of the fact that my therapist is coming today..I want my Griever necklace but I'm nine dollars and 15 cents under trying to attain it.

I'm so emo today.

I don't want to go to work with Mint's mom to attain it..but..

What other way is there?! My batteries died today as I tried to listen to Lu:Na by Gackt and it made me so mad today. Orion has been ignoring me and that is irritating me..

It's like life sucks so bad right now in the real world for me..
I haven't touched my Kingdom Hearts 2 for a long time now because of my weird dream..

I'm never fully open with anyone..Why can't I explain how I feel to everyone?! My true feelings are never in the open air! NEVER!

Maybe it's because I suck with communication..
I just suck with communication..
I'm so tired..of being tired..

I hate this medicine but it's the only thing to take away the pain...

All I want to do is sleep..

[Leon Magnus]

Man..I don't need Mint to get in the way of my relationship with Sy..She thought she was helping..She was doing more help than hurt..My relationship was going smoothly..

And it still is!

I had a mental breakdown with Talan on the phone and with Sy also...She had Sy so worried..
I'm not like her! I don't hurt the ones I love purposely!!

I'm getting so emo and broken down...She's not helping..She's flying to close to the SUN!

And she better not pin the blame on Blade because that's stupid crap..She's only trying to run away from the pain she causes!!

She should worry about herself..she's stepping over the fine, thin line of hurting and helping..She's flying to close to the sun..

My favorite song and theme right now is L'arc~en~Ciel's Lost Heaven...Right now..It makes sense on how I like it because it suits the moment..

We'll say goodbye Lost Heaven...
How we longed for Heaven..
We're letting go..of something we never HAD..Time goes so fast..
Heaven is Lost..

Basically..they thought they had paradise..but..He never had it..It was just a dream..

She can kiss her own Minty Candy
She can kiss it goodbye..

Because she won't blame her insanity on someone else.
I won't let her..

This time it's her fault...

***

Other than that...I've had two mental break downs today to tell anyone the truth..I had to listen to some major Gackt to cheer me up and I'm still down in the dumps today..
I'm slowly wearing down...
I can feel my tears welling up again..

I hate crying it gives me such a headache..

I didn't need anyone's help..
I truly didn't..

I still don't need her help..

I shoud let go of the things I never had..

[Leon Magnus]

Everything's been sorted out...Still talking to Mint..

But I'm so drained and tired..
Like always now..

I'm really sleepy and I know I'm going to fall asleep in every class after Seminar.
Damn this medicine I swear.

And I'm not taking any chain emails anymore..Any chain email I get will be deleted faster than I can grab a copy of the remake of Wild Arms 2...If they ever remake WA2..

That'd be cool because they'd probably be able to flesh out the characters more..And they better not include voices in it..I'll be pissed.

Speaking of Wild Arms..

I had a dream on Wild Arms..Looked like Jet got himself in trouble with Janus XD

They got into a fight and it was pretty funny since Jet is so flexable.


I want to sleep..

[Leon Magnus]

So sleepy..I know a bombed a math test..

My song today is Sou by Kagrra it sounds convincing enough and Koe by Amano Tsukiko.

I think life's okay today besides the fact that I am restless..

I did wake up hurting though...



Ugh I'm sick of this sleepiness and pain..

[Leon Magnus]

Is there anything I could do to help?!

Psh...Am I really unhelpful?
Enough whining..and start acting...

Well...The weekend was okay..I tend to sleep late on Sundays always...Pft..Late complaints..

Certainly..Maybe I did something wrong awhile ago..Maybe how I come off to most people probably make it seem like I can't help the ones in need..

Regret is the song of the day..beautiful lonely piano songs..

Sadly...Oh so sadly..Like a music box winding to stop..

And I sunddenly remember my therapist is coming over today..

Great. ::scowls::
I'll never get the nap I deserve at this rate!
I'm so tired yet I have all this pent up energy...I want to write but I don't know what to write...

Ergh..

[Leon Magnus]

I woke up cold this morning...Colder than I ever have been since it's been really unnaturally cold lately..

It made me want to stay in bed and sleep..I slept seven minutes over to the twenty I give myself to get ready...Yet I made it...

Who's the Guardian making sure I make it to school and what not?

Day of Silence day...

I will help..

My dirty little secrets ^ ^ /) (\ ::high fives self::


What will mom say when she realizes what Day of Slience is for?

Probably nothing..She'll notice I have respect for people who have just as much as trouble as I do.

I have respect for something...

[Leon Magnus]

Yesterday...It feels like the whole world was lifted off my shoulders as It was the Day of Silence after all...I felt like..I needed to end my silence with my mother..
And I did..
Yesterday..was spectacular to me..It was my Niece's birthday..And..I told my mother my most deepest..and darkest secret...
No..I didn't tell her I killed someone..I hardly did such a thing as that..


I told her..That I am Bisexual.

She took it better than I expected...She said I was old enough to make my own descisions...and that She doesn't totally agree with it..but she supports me and will do anything to help me..

I feel like some of my madness vanished...and well..
I just felt half better..
But I don't want to worry her any longer..
Did I worry her more by telling her?
Or did I worry her less?

Does she hate me..maybe just a little but she won't let it get in the way?
Or does she love me a whole lot more for telling her this secret?

She's the only thing I have that is sane and understanding unlike my father who has emotional problems and drinks all the damn time..

I just feel..Like...Maybe I burdened her..
But..Maybe I didn't..
Maybe she wanted to know how I felt..

Well I came out of the closet...Out of my darkness of my room..and I told her.
I ended my silence on the Day of Silence..

[Leon Magnus]

Early this morning my mother woke me up early with an offer of coffee..
I can't turn down coffee..
Yet..My medicine has kicked in and I still hurt right now...Gah..

I went home early from school yesterday because of the pain and took a three hour nap and still felt tired...Tell me how is that possible?!

Still I'm tired and hurting and glad that it's Friday...and I'm probably going to try to pull through today..The whole day...

If I can't then..

I don't know what to do..

[Leon Magnus]

I did indeed make it through school..I didn't have to take much of my math teacher's bull crap because I had to do NWEA testing. (alright!)

My English teacher is the best! He let us out really early...So when I caught my ride home..I realized that he let us out like five minutes early because I got home a minute before school was actually let out.

My family bought a new grill so we all built it together and then we had to go to the store and I..
saw Orion there..I felt all my energy leave me..I felt like I needed to cry..So I quickly ducked into another aisle because he was there with a girl with like..permantly rose colored cheeks eating ice cream.

He said he needed a break from his own life..It seemed he was doing fine...Why the hell is he hiding from me...?

My older sister said I probably need an alchoholic drink..(If only I could drink or knew someone who had something and get plastered at their house and stay there for the weekend)

He just makes me feel like I'm a horrible friend because he's so depressed and won't let me help him. I try really hard to help my friends because I treat them like family. My friends ARE my family and forever will be!

I'm starting to hate the weekends and I want summer to come faster so I can fail Algebra B and to get away from my bitchy math teacher before it's too late, and before Talan really turns into Kri @_@ I always get killed XD.

Well there's my whole day in like..two posts..and I seriously need to use the bathroom but I know if I stopped typing this..There's like no way I could've used it.

I gotta finish what I start first..

And now..I hope everyone has a good weekend...A better one than I have...because I know..

I just know I'm going to probably cry for Orion.

Because I can't help him.

And I want to.

But I can't.

I hope everyone who reads this understands...I can help with almost anything..Even if my chemicals aren't balanced right..and that I do have emotional breakdowns and that I do cry!

I seem like the type that doesn't cry but I actually do!

I'm also fiercely loyal and protective..

But isn't that how people USED to be?

Yes...I think so..

I bid you all a good weekend before I rant even more.

[Leon Magnus]

The weekned was great...but it sure did tire me out.

I hung out a great deal with Mint-chan but...I do realize my communication is steadily getting better..I think it's because I have a therapist...I realize I can't stay up late as I used to on the weekend..It's probably because of getting up so early for school..on the other hand I'll be burning the late night oil when I get my summer vacation..I can hardly wait..

Even though..It was supposed to be like Kingdom Hearts with Orion and Mint...Going everywhere we want to together like we used to on the weekened...I guess that was a fleeting moment.....

I wonder how Seasalt Ice cream tastes?

I asked Sy to hook up with Mint's character in our RP because I heard her say that she didn't have anyone to hook up with..That made me sad...so I actually got the courage to ask Sy to sweep her off her feet XD

I'm so funneh...

Saturday was boring for me at first..So I went took a shower, wanted more Gackt music and found 22 more songs by him and two of those were remixes..Really Really good remixes..

But Zero helped perk up my usually exiting Saturday with RP (yay dankuu!)
And we didn't sign off until 1:30 AM.
and I couldn't go to sleep..-_-;

On Sunday I couldn't find my Gameboy SP or my wallet..;;;

So we cleaned my room up for once (It was very trashed I had a garbage bag full of unwanted clothes even!) We alerted the media because it's as big as Final Fantasty release in Japan!
So it's a big event in my house when I clean my room.

I was upset that I couldn't go and see Silent Hill with Mint because I did have money..But I want that Griever necklace so bad..

So bad...>_<

And I just cane back from another mix up with the library. That's twice they did such a thing with these stupid NWEA tests.

At 2:00 PM I have to leave school early...I have a Phsychiatrist appointment I don't really want to do..So I brought my CD player with some of my new Gackt songs (and some .hack music thrown in for a bit of hauntingnessness Not like Gackt does enough of it anyway) I labled my CD Asrun Dreams..It's one of my favorites like Story and Future...And Ares..OMG that's a very haunting Gackt song..Very short too.

And I will sing them in the car..For I like to annoy my mother because she's making me miss my favorite class..

My Language Arts class with Mr. Coyne.

He's so awesome..

But now I must take my leave and I guess I'll post again in this journal when I am done with my appointment..They'll probably drag me along to do grocery shopping..

Ugh..-_-;

[Leon Magnus]

Well I didn't have to be dragged for the grocery shopping bit! ::happy sigh::

But I am offically depressed and need candies--I mean Prozac.

And I'm in love with Cream Soda again.

Yes Cream Soda.

You don't see too many of those cans laying around my room Mostly you see Root Beer or some other shnit in my room.


Urgh..I want Summer.

And More Candies..

[Leon Magnus]

Today..I didn't have school really because it was Challenge Day..

Rawr Rawr Rawr! So when I got my hot caramel apple cider I wasn't late! Take that wee man!

But I did miss my computer and English 9 Classes T_T It wasn't fair.


I cleaned out my dresser and the stuff on top so now I have clothes in my dresser and I found all my birthday cards and put them in my nightstand (See I told ya'll I'm keeping them so keep them coming when my B-day rolls around! ~_^)

I really have nothing to post up on I mean..Psh..Today wasn't even school for me.

*Song of day* Diru- Rain

[Leon Magnus]

Oh Gosh...I didn't do much today.

Just fooled around in Computer Class

Wrote 45 words and their definitions in Health

Had a quiet Lunch.

Fell asleep in Math

And watch Romeo and Juliet and English 9.

Yup..I don't care for Math...Pretty soon I won't do the tests either.

Hey Zero I read your Journal and guess what?

I love ya too ^_^ Makes me feel good that I have you ignore your homework XDD

THE SONG OF THE DAY IS CHILD BY PIERROT! Because the opening is damned beautiful.

Deep down inside today....I felt a lot better at school..More in place than ever before...

Why is this..?

[Leon Magnus]

Okay..How was school everyone wants to know..

Computers: Hilarious..Because Laura and Talan both pulled pranks on my friend on NerdEgg.com. It's a nice place to play games and get a free account!

Seminar: Boring..Have to retake the test.

Health: Watched a movie. Boring.

Lunch: Great. Got to see Luna's boyfriend and hung out with Talan for a bit.

Math: Stole a certain book.

English 9: Okay...Boring though got out early.


By the way..Sy lied to me again...::grumbles:: Third time and people know I don't tolerate liars.

Neither does Renji.

[Leon Magnus]

Well today was rather uneventful..I was actually cheerful this morning.

Computer Class: Rather boring..Talan just asked questions so I stuffed the book in his face.

Seminar: More questions..Wanted to sleep so fooled around and pulled kicking moves driving attention to myself.

Health: Watched a movie on how cigarettes are bad for the body (And Ryou smokes XD) And did a review and a worksheet.

Lunch: Ate alone.

Math: Almost fell asleep. Our math teacher seems to get a kick out of making fun of us as we walk out of the door. She's done it four times already The Hag.

English: Learned how to dance like in Shakespeare's time and bragged how I could be a better Romeo than this kid that reads the lines like a robot or stutters over them. My voice seems boyish enough.

After I got home..I got no hi or nothin..Just a get in the back yard and help pick up leaves. I hate being in the sun. I just simply hate it.

We grilled Ribs, Chicken, Sausages, had Mac an' Cheese, Baked Beans, and Corn.

We've been grillin' alot today..It's like nuts. I wanted to take a nap so bad...And I thought Mint was coming over..

Gah.